10th Ramadan,
Since the 1st Ramadan I have been trying to jot down my thoughts but never found the courage to pen them down. This Ramadan is different , very different from the past 28 Ramadans I've experienced in my life. It's never going to be same ever as you aren't here anymore.
No one was there to wish me Ramadan mubarak after the sighting of the moon. No one to pray for me and my married life and send loads of blessings my way. No one to motivate me how to spend and encash most of Allah's blessings in this blessed month.
Not a single second has been passed without thinking or praying for you Ammi. I know you are in a wonderful place inshAllah as whenever I think about you I feel I am at peace. The beautiful and pious person you were, I know you are one of Allah's favorite inshAllah enjoying there waiting for us to join you there inshAllah!
At sehri time when it's almost Azan time, I remember how you told us to pray as it is the time of qubooliyat, i recall you telling us to pray Salat ul Tasbeeh, praying chasht, learning Quran or at least understanding it, praying at the time of iftar as duas are accepted at that time.
I recite Quran in the same Quran which you used and I can feel you being there by my side.
Whenever I think about you, I recall the smiling face full of noor and contentment. Alhamdulillah! You taught us a lot Ammi, I wish I can be a mother like you or at least have a glimpse of who you were as a daughter, sister, mother, friend and a person as a whole. In your life, I didn't even realize that I wanted to be like you but now I yearn to be like you so that when I also leave this world, people remember me with all those wonderful words they use to remember you.
You had your own aura: a quiet, calm, peaceful, God-fearing being who never had any complains from her life or from anyone else, someone who was always thanking Allah with whatever she had. I don't remember hearing anything bad about anyone from you, EVER and the world is a witness to this quality of yours.
Maybe this world was too harsh and evil for a person like you therefore Allah wanted you to be there earlier.
Wharever we siblings are today, is all because of you and Abbu. If someone look upto us or praise us, I know they are praising you and Abbu.
MayAllah SWT bless you with the highest place in jannat ul firdaus and make us a great sadqa e jariah for you. May Allah SWT make us the coolness of abbu's eyes and may He give us the courage to serve him, respect him, love him as he deserves it all. Ameen
Love you and miss you a lot, everyday, every minute, every second, every moment!
