1.5 years...

I was at an engagement party when I recieved my cousin's call. It was an unexpected one as we talk very occasionally. While conversing with her, I found out that she was missing you Ammi as she had always looked upto you for advice and you were not only a friend to her but a great mentor as well.
That phone call made me realize yet once again about your beautiful nature and your kind heartedness. How important you were to a number of people and we didn't even know. We all talk about people in good words who have passed away, but my heart always tell me that you were a very different being ; someone who won the hearts of children, adults, old people, everyone! That constant decent, polite look on your face was my comfort zone to relieve myself from any sort of worries or discomforts. At times, it is still hard to find someone who can do this magic but Allah helps me through it somehow. I still feel your presence in my life. If something good happens and I am unable to figure out why, I wonder maybe it's your prayers which are still working and will continue to work forever inshAllah.
For people who know us, maybe they  think that we are normal and back to the previous form but trust me there is nothing like going back to the normal us. It's a hollowness in us which will be there forever. Whey they say you lose a part of yourself , they say it so rightly..you do lose a part of yourself and I don't think anyone can figure it out. I feel I lost a great friend.. When young, I didn't realize what it is to feel that someone is always there, that I  have a back to go to..but with the passage of time I realized that people are there for you for a limited time at their convenience..everyone has a life and priorities and it is even fair to move on with those priorities as no one's life is stopped because of the other.. One thing which I learned after you is I have to stand up on my own and live it up myself, no one can help me do it..no one should even be expected to do it..I have stopped expecting from anyone..if they are there I am very thankful to them and to Allah but if they aren't I am not hurt as they have their own life..
It's been 1.5 years since you left us.. seems like centuries though..There hasn't been a single day when I have woken up without this thought of you not being there.. But Allah has brought us to it and He has made us sail through it too.. it's a constant sailing though now.. I still clearly remembers who came, who consoled, who made an effort to be there and help us through that time. I can never forget how my best friend flew from Dubai the moment she heard about it.. More than me I think she came for you as you had a different association with her.. I can't forget that gesture of hers, may Allah always keep her happy inshAllah.. You had an association with everyone and I am sure everyone prays for you in their own way and I am sure you are happy there inshAllah..
I can just try and pray to be like you as humans like you are very rarely born.. maybe I can be a bit like you were inshAllah..
Love you and miss you beyond words can express.. you will always be in my prayers and thoughts..